Lorraine

All of my heroes turned out to be fakes. And then I have to return to myself, to ask myself 'how much of a fake am I.' And I turn to the lady who declared to me 'I am always alone.' And of course, I wonder, if she herself is a fake too. And if she is a fake then my affection for her is a fake also. I guess that I miss her and I really don't know why. And just the other night, she was in my dream, and she was crouched and with a different colour of hair, and she looked in discomfort. And I awoke from my dream to find her nowhere around me. And then I began to ask questions of myself, like 'who is she?' and what are my real feelings for her? And 'why am I in this place at this particular time.? And anytime she comes into my mind, I tend to smile. And I am not sure that we were cut out to be lovers. And I'm not even sure that she will remember my name, and I'm not so sure of myself anymore. And I can't be easy about my thoughts of her. There is no guilt just the feeling of foolishness on my part. It has been a long time, and the days increase the longness. And I spent my day, today, alone and being alone. I couldn't find very much to do with myself. It was a strange place for me to be in. And Lorraine in truth is far from me. I don't even know if I will ever see her again. And I don't even know about her feelings for me, or the lack of them. She remains a mystery to me.